


A Wish His Heart Made

by thisfrailheart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, potions accident turned revelation, wolfstar and everything that comes with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:46:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisfrailheart/pseuds/thisfrailheart
Summary: Potions accident turned revelation.





	A Wish His Heart Made

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ForeverShippingJohnlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverShippingJohnlock/gifts).



> Nicki, this one is just for you. All my love. Happy birthday. <3

The Great Hall was a lively place. At breakfast, even with most of the student population still tired and barely talking, incoming post owls usually brought in excitement about deliveries. And their hooting and screeching added some noise to the mix, of course. Lunch and dinner were much the same. There’d be a general tiredness on school days but students always found a way to add some fun to their breaks. A quick game of wizard’s chess or gobstones usually did the trick.  
The only things that could actually dull the excitement were either upcoming exams or, in this case, the realization that their Seventh Year was going to be much harder and involve much more work than anybody had anticipated.

“Lads, we need to leave if we don’t want to keep Sluggie waiting”, Dorcas said, yawning, but nobody moved.

Remus, who had propped his head up on his hand, was brooding over a copy of his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook, a sleepy Sirius to his right and Peter dozing on his left shoulder. James had put his arm around Lily. They leant against each other, which seemed to be the only thing that kept them upright. Even Dorcas, who had attempted to rouse everybody mere seconds ago, had her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

“We really need to go”, she said again, all the while trying to stay awake.

“But what’s he going to do to us if we’re late? Nothing, probably”, Sirius answered drowsily.

“Yeah, but McGonagall definitely will, so get up”, Remus said to Sirius and then turned to Peter, tapping him on the shoulder softly. “Pete, you need to wake up. Sirius and I have Potions.”

A grumbled “mrhmm” was all Remus got for a response, though.

“Just leave him, Moons”, James muttered from across the table as he hugged Lily closer, not yet ready to let her go. “Poor guy’s still catching up on sleep. That Herbology paper almost did him in. Marlene and I will keep an eye on him.”

By the time Remus had managed to safely shift Peter from his shoulder to the table so he could keep on snoozing, Sirius had been able to get Dorcas off the bench as well. After they had all grabbed their bags – and managed to unglue Lily from James – they shuffled off towards the dungeons together.

“I can’t believe they’re making us do this”, Sirius whined, hefting his bag higher up onto his shoulder.

“Making us do what?” Remus asked sceptically as they walked through the entrance hall. “Go to class? Yeah well, Sirius, this is a school, so what did you expect?”

“Calm down, _Remus_. Merlin, you’re a pain when you’re tired. Also, that’s not actually what I meant. I was talking about the fact that they’re making us _waaaaalk_ ”, Sirius lamented. He threw his hands up into the air dramatically.

His friends traded some astonished looks and then simultaneously burst out laughing, stopping in the middle of the hallway. Sirius turned around.

“What? It’s the truth! We’re in a wizard school, surrounded by all these brilliant magical things and they still make us walk. Could’ve at least thought up something for the dead-tired Seventh Years that are almost crawling through the corridors!” he pouted.

For a second his three companions almost seemed to want to believe him, but then he crossed his arms in front of his chest in defiance and they erupted in another round of laughter.

Sirius regarded them with narrowed eyes for a moment, then he turned around and continued walking. A few moments later Dorcas wound an arm around his waist, falling into step beside him.

“Come on, Black. Don’t be such a spoilsport.”

“Yeah! _And_ you almost jumped down Remus’ throat just now because he reacted a little rash. You’re no picnic either when you’re tired.” That had come from Lily, who’d appeared next to Dorcas.

Sirius sighed. It was hard to disagree with cold, hard facts.

“Damn you, Evans. Hate it when you’re right”, he said through gritted teeth. Afterwards, he turned to Remus, who had caught up as well and was walking next to him. “Moons, I’m—“

“Sorry. I _know_ ”, Remus answered, then he added a quiet “me too” and looked at him with a small smile.  
Sirius beamed at him. He cherished moments like this. Ever since that cursed night with Snivellus, their friendship had taken a hit. _Of course_ it had. And yes, Remus had never been awful to him or retaliated in any way. In fact, he’d always been perfectly polite. Which had been worse in Sirius’ opinion. But even though they had remained friends or at least friendly and even though Sirius continued to join him during the full moon, their relationship had never gone back to what it had been. Sirius wasn’t mad, not at all. But he did miss the ease, the simplicity of things.

“We all need more sleep”, Lily piped up and brought Sirius back to reality.

“True!” Dorcas agreed.

“See, this is where my ‘no walking’ idea comes in. Imagine how much time we could save!”

Remus grinned. “And how exactly would that work? You know you can’t apparate in or out of Hogwarts. Or at least you _would_ know that if you read Hogwarts: A History.” A snort from Sirius. “Well it’s true, isn’t it? You barely leafed through when we were…. _you barely leafed through_. But anyways…the magical staircases are quite enough madness for me in terms of magical transportation, thank you very much.”

“Who wants to bet that Salazar ‘The Snake’ Slytherin dreamed up the stairs to trap unassuming Gryffindor First Years on there forever?” Dorcas asked with a laugh.

“Speaking of snakes”, Sirius mumbled after they had turned the corner.  
They were walking down the hallway that led to the Potions Classroom and had caught sight of the small group of Slytherins they had Potions with. Amidst them was Severus Snape, sneering about one thing or another. Instinctively, Dorcas let go of Sirius and moved in front of Lily. Remus squared his shoulders as well, walking a little taller. Sirius, although he kept a watchful eye, fell behind a few steps. Snape had always known how to agitate him, how to push his buttons. And after that one night where everything almost went to shit, Sirius was no longer willing to put everything on the line. Not after it nearly cost him Remus last time. He’d have to find a different way to let out his anger, he thought, when he caught sight of Snivellus’ smug face. _Without getting myself or my friends into trouble._

Thankfully the slimy git seemed to stay in his corner today and Sirius and his friends were able to enter the classroom without being bothered.

Lily wasn’t amused by her friends’ protectiveness, but she was used to it by now. Ever since Severus had said that… that _word_ , and to her _face_ , her friends – and James’ – seemed to almost flock around her whenever Severus appeared, trying to shield her. From his looks. From having to look at him. And from the pain, she supposed.

She’d caught a glimpse of him today though and something was different. Very, very different. She tried to figure out what it was as she let her bag slip off her shoulder and onto the ground next to the workbench but couldn’t put her finger on it.

“Lily?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve called your name three times now, are you okay?” Dorcas asked with a small smile. Lily realized that all the students were already here and only waiting for their professor to arrive. She hadn’t even noticed how the time had passed, she’d been so lost in thought.

“Oh, ah… Yes. I’m okay. Just tired, I guess.” She smiled back at Dorcas. Dorcas raised a doubtful eyebrow, but Professor Slughorn picked that exact moment to enter the classroom and she had to let it go.

“Good afternoon, class!” Slughorn said. “Today, as part of the Seventh Year curriculum and in preparation for your NEWTS, we will be focusing on potions you’ve brewed before but maybe not to the best of your abilities, as well as potions you would like to have another go at. Please choose wisely as you will not be getting these second chances all throughout the year. You may start.”

Immediately after Slughorn had finished his explanation, the class erupted in whispers. Everybody wanted to share their choice with their bench partner or friends.

“What did you pick, Sirius?” Remus wanted to know on their way to the storage room.

“Not sure yet. All my potions come out pretty well, you know?” Sirius answered with a wink. Remus groaned, then went looking for his potion’s ingredients.

Sirius sidled up next to him. “Which one did you choose, Moons?”

“Draught of Peace,” said Remus as he grabbed the hellebore syrup.

“You know the effects are only temporary, don’t you?” Sirius was grinning as he looked at the glass jars.

“Well you’d know, wouldn’t you?” Remus shot back. And he immediately regretted it. What was once innocent banter now carried so much bitterness. Why? He didn’t know.

Sirius’ face fell. His eyes widened, just a little bit, and his breath caught.

“Come on, ladies, move”, grunted one of Snape’s posse behind them. Remus stepped out of the way and turned back to his friend.

“Sirius-“

“It’s fine, Remus, _seriously_.” Sirius smiled weakly, then turned away to pick out his potions ingredients, ending the conversation.

Remus sighed, giving up. _Merlin’s beard, why did I say that?_ he thought as he went back to their bench and began setting up his cauldron. _He really didn’t deserve that one. Shit._

Across from him, Dorcas and Lily had stopped arguing and were now shooting him some concerned looks. Remus waved them off and they left to get the ingredients for their own potions.

“I think I’ll try the Euphoria Elixir again,” Sirius said as he came back. He plopped the ingredients onto the table, not particularly worried about breaking phials or jars.

“Sirius, I-“

“You know, I think I messed it up last time? I know I said all my potions are pretty good, but I don’t think there was a rainbow. I mean…this is the one that’s supposed to have the rainbow, right? Anyway, I-“

“ _Sirius, can we-_ “ Remus tried again.

“It’s _fine_ , Moons, I said it’s fine and it is. Let’s just start brewing, alright?”

Remus clenched his teeth, closing his eyes in resignation. “ _Fine”,_ he said, stressing the word.

After a long while of brewing in absolute silence, Remus heard a small “Sorry”. He added the quills and watched as his potion turned white and silvery mist formed on the surface. As he stirred carefully, he looked over at Sirius.

“No need to apologize”, Remus said quietly. He turned towards his friend. “I said the wrong thing. It was my fault. I’m-”

He broke off when he realized that Sirius wasn’t even looking at him. Instead, he was staring across the table at Lily and Dorcas, who stood paralyzed and were looking down at Lily’s cauldron in horror. It was smoking dangerously and spitting potion and it seemed just about ready to explode.

“Get down!” shouted Sirius, grabbed Remus’ arm and pulled him to the ground.

Dorcas, who had always been a quick thinker, drew her wand and cast Protego, which shielded Lily and herself from the worst of the explosion. Unfortunately, the shield charm directed the blast at the boys’ cauldrons, which toppled over and spilt all of their contents on Sirius and Remus.

A few seconds passed in utter silence, then Professor Slughorn hurried over to inquire if everyone was alright.

“Miss Evans, are you alright? Merlin, child, I haven’t ever seen you blow up a cauldron…” he added, lost in thought. “You should thank Miss…ah… You should thank your friend for that fast reaction. I think 5 points for Gryffindor are in order for that, yes. Is everyone alright?”

Remus and Sirius stood, drenched in potions, but nodding. Dorcas was holding on to Lily, who was still staring into space. She was too shocked to say anything.

“Moonyyyyy, I don’t… I’m sssso tire-“ Sirius said suddenly, only a few seconds later and tugging on Remus’ sleeve. He was slurring his words.

Remus turned to their Professor to let them know that something was wrong but before he’d even uttered the first word, he collapsed to the floor, Sirius following suit. As the blackness enveloped them, they heard Lily scream.

~~~

Sirius woke up on the floor with a weird feeling in his stomach and a sweet taste on his tongue. He blinked open his eyes to escape the dizzying darkness and sat up slowly. _Where the hell am I? Is this… This looks like someone’s living room. What the fuck?_ he thought, looking around the room.

“Oh, shit! Remus!” he exclaimed, spotting Remus across the room, halfway hidden behind the sofa. Sirius jumped to his feet and, after being hit by another wave of dizziness, stumbled towards Remus. He walked around the sofa and knelt by Remus’ head.

“Moony! Are you okay?” he asked, softly touching Remus’ shoulder. “ _Remus_? Wake up, come on!”

Bit by bit, Remus began to stir and come around. He sat up with a groan.

“Sirius? What in Merlin’s name is going on?” he asked Sirius, who was still kneeling beside him.

“No bloody idea, Moony. I don’t even know where the fuck we are! Whose living room is this?”

“Living room? What-“ Remus looked around in a panic. When he, too, didn’t recognize the room they were in, he scrambled to his feet. “What’s going on? What the _hell_ is going on?”

Sirius got up off the floor, shrugging. “I have no idea. How did we even get here? Wherever ‘here’ is…”

Remus had just opened his mouth to say something when they heard laughter. Sirius threw him a panicked look.

“Is someone else here?” Remus whispered.

Sirius shook his head, shrugging again. He hadn’t thought to check the other rooms. If there even were any. He’d only just woken up himself. And his first concern had been an unconscious Remus. Slowly, he made his way across the room. Remus tried to call him back but Sirius waved him off, creeping closer to the door. It wasn’t shut completely and he was able to open it a little further without making a sound. But right as he was about to peer out into what he presumed was the hallway, there was a noise from above.

Alarmed, Sirius let go of the door and moved back. He threw a glance at Remus, who was staring at him wide-eyed. They could hear someone moving around in the rooms above them.

“What now?” Remus whispered.

Sirius tip-toed back to Remus. “I don’t know” he mouthed.

But they didn’t get any time to decide what to do, because they could now hear floorboards creaking and muffled voices. They shot each other anxious looks. A few seconds later, there were footsteps on the stairs. Sirius stepped in front of Remus.

“Admit it, you love it”, someone said with a chuckle.

Both boys held their breath as the door swung open.

“No chance!” someone yelled from down the hall.

“Come on! Admit it, Moony!” Sirius Black yelled back as he sauntered into the living-room in his pants and t-shirt.

Sirius – the _other, clearly younger_ Sirius – whirled around and stared at Remus. His eyes were almost comically wide and his mouth hung open in shock. Remus just looked at him, shaking his head. He was equally as stunned.

Older Sirius had opened one of the windows. He was sitting on the window sill, lighting a cigarette, smiling to himself.

“What the FUCK!” exclaimed Sirius. Remus grabbed his arm, trying to shush him. But even as he was doing so they both realized that the older Sirius hadn’t turned around to see who had screamed. In fact, he hadn’t so much as batted an eyelid. He was just standing there by the window, smoking and smiling.

“Can’t he… Can he not see us?” Remus wondered.

“I don’t- How is that possible? What the hell happened to us? I just remember being in potions. How the heck did we get to this place? And why can’t he see us? And why the hell does he look like… Like _me_?” Sirius answered with a shaky voice.

In that exact moment, someone else entered the room.

“I won’t admit anything, you pest” spoke an older, more mature Remus. He was dressed in pants and shirt as well and carrying a steaming mug.

Now it was younger Remus’ turn to be absolutely gobsmacked. But neither one of the boys was quite prepared for what would happen next.

Older Remus had walked over to the window where older Sirius was standing, holding out the mug for him.

“But you still love me, right? Even though I’m a pest” older Sirius asked, taking a drink from his mug with a grin.

Older Remus sighed. Then he leant over, took older Sirius’ face gently into his hands and whispered a soft “Yes. Yes, I do” against his lips before kissing him.

Sirius gasped.

“We’re in a dream” Remus suddenly said.

Sirius turned to his friend. “What?”

“This is a dream. We’re stuck in a dream.”

~~~

“Asleep?” Professor McGonagall asked.

“Yes,” Madam Pomfrey answered. “These boys are absolutely fine. They simply fell into a deep sleep. I’d assume it had something to do with the potions that were spilt but I would want to confer with our resident Potions Master on that before making any rash judgments, Professor”, she said to Professor McGonagall and nodded in Slughorn’s direction.

“Professor Slughorn?” asked McGonagall, turning to Professor Slughorn, who was standing a few feet away. “Could we trouble you for your expertise?”

“Yes! Yes, of course!” he said and hurried over.

“Professor, did you, by any chance, see which potions these gentlemen were brewing? And do you think they will suffer any adverse effects besides this deep sleep they’re currently experiencing?”

“Ah, I am not sure, Professor,” Slughorn said, shifting from one foot to the other. “I rushed over when Miss Evan’s cauldron exploded to make sure she was alright. She was, thank Merlin, but these two boys fell to the ground. They had been covered in their potions as they took shelter from the explosion. I had a look at the leftovers in their cauldrons before cleaning them up. One of the potions was bright yellow, the other one was emitting argent vapours. I would be comfortable with the assumption those were Elixir to Induce Euphoria and Draught of Peace respectively.”

“Those are not especially dangerous potions if I recall correctly?” McGonagall asked.

“No, they are not, Professor, but…” He broke off.

“But what, Horace?” McGonagall urged.

“From what I saw before Madam Pomfrey”, he nodded towards her, “tended to these young men, they were not only doused in their own potions but it also seems they were hit with a good portion of the other’s potion, meaning the potions had time to mix.” Slughorn shifted again.

“Well? Will I have to call these boys’ parents to tell them their sons are dying?” McGonagall snapped. Slughorn’s stalling was making her increasingly nervous.

“No!” Slughorn exclaimed, shaking his head furiously. He was quite shocked by the other teacher’s bluntness. After a few quick breaths, he proceeded a little more calmly.  
“No, Professor. I’m unaware of any extremely dangerous side effects of adding other ingredients to the Elixir. However adding other ingredients – or even adding more of the same ones – to the Draught of Peace can ruin a whole cauldron. The result is often a deep sleep the drinker will not wake from-” he could hear Professor McGonagall gasp for air, “- but since their potions where almost at the bottling stage when Miss Evans’ cauldron exploded, I’d presume the ingredients were only effectively mixed once they hit these students’ skin, the liquids simply running into each other. That would severely lessen the result since the potions did not have enough time to fully react with each other. The porcupine quills, which are present in both potions, were too much incorporated into the Elixir for the Draught to really be affected by the double dose of the ingredient. Although I would wager that they will sleep for a few more hours.”

Once Slughorn had finished his explanation, there was an audible sigh of relief from both Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey.

“Thank you, Horace. Please, return to your day. I will let their friends know. Thank you as well, Poppy.”

She smiled at her colleagues, then turned on her heel and strode towards the hospital wing’s doors. After pushing them open, she was met with the anxious faces of Black’s and Lupin’s friends. And Lily Evans looked the most miserable of all of them, surely worried she’d caused her friends irreparable harm. Evans was being held and consoled by her boyfriend who looked almost as miserable as her. The others, Peter Pettigrew, Dorcas Meadowes and Marlene McKinnon, were incredibly tense as well, but they jumped up as soon as they heard the doors, tapping James’ shoulder.

“Mister Black and Mister Lupin should be absolutely fine. They will be asleep until their bodies have processed the potions they absorbed when they were hit with the splatter but they should not be facing any complications or side effects. They were very lucky indeed.”

The little group of students released the breath they had been holding and Lily broke out in tears again. She had been incredibly worried and was now overwhelmed with relief.

“You may go see them now but-“ she was interrupted by excited exclamations and students rushing past her into the hospital wing. _But don’t stay too long_ , she finished silently, heaving a sigh and then striding away.

~~~

“What the fuck do you mean ‘we’re stuck in a dream’? And how do you know?” Sirius exclaimed. He felt like someone had thrown him into the Black Lake, that’s how shocked he was.

“Merlin’s tits, Sirius, I don’t fucking know!” Remus yelled. “I mean, just look! Does that look bloody real to you?” He motioned to where their older doppelgängers were, still kissing and whispering to each other.

Sirius glanced over, breath catching in his throat. “N-no.”

“Bloody right it doesn’t. And I think we’d have noticed if someone hexed us. So it has to be some sort of…alternate reality, right? Like in a bloody dream”, Remus snapped. Then he folded his arms across his chest and heavily sat down on the sofa.

“Right” Sirius echoed. He threw another glance at his double, who had proceeded to get the living daylights snogged out of him and was now leaving the living room with Remus in tow and a massive smile on his face. _Happy_. Sirius’ chest constricted painfully at the thought. He looked back at present time Remus.

“Sorry I annoyed you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Don’t insult me by lying to my fucking face, Remus. You were _swearing_. You don’t do that unless you’re annoyed.”

Remus sighed. “Fine. I am annoyed. But it’s not your fault.”

Sirius snorted.

“Don’t insult me by snorting into my fucking face, Sirius.” Remus rolled his eyes, pausing. “I’m annoyed because I don’t know what to do. I hate not knowing what to do. And I hate that I don’t know how this happened.”

“Me too” Sirius answered, calmer now. He sat down on the sofa next to Remus, careful to give his friend some space. Leaning his head against the back of the sofa, he sank deeper into the seat. _So soft_ , he thought, weirdly content.

For a few minutes, nobody said anything. They simply sat there, side by side, taking a few breaths to calm down.

“Do you smell that?” asked Remus.

Sirius chuckled. “No, Moons, I don’t.”

“One: you’re gross. Two: do you really not smell that? It’s kind of nice. Smells like…warmth. Sweet, almost.” He looked thoughtful. Sirius nodded, trying to sniff the scent in the air. “I’d say it smells like happiness, but that’d be-“

“Brilliant!” Sirius interrupted, so elated about his realization that he jumped up from the sofa. “That’d be _brilliant_ , Moony!”

“I was going to say ridiculous…” Remus murmured.

“It smells sweet, like happiness!” exclaimed Sirius, as if talking louder than usual would make Remus understand faster.

Remus frowned, confused. “Yes, that’s what I said.”

“Don’t you see? Earlier, you said we weren’t hexed. But we _were_. Well, _technically_ we were. Remember when Evans’ cauldron exploded and I pulled you to the ground so we wouldn’t get hit? Which was a good idea, by the way, you can thank me later. Remember that? And we _didn’t_ get hit by Evans’ potion but _our_ cauldrons tipped over for some reason and we got a bath-“

“And you were brewing Elixir to Induce Happiness which would explain the smell-“

“Right! And that weird sweet taste on my tongue!” Sirius agreed excitedly. Then he sobered. Straightened his back. “Doesn’t explain why we’re stuck here, though.”

Remus sat up. “I was brewing the Draught of Peace.”

“So?”

“So it’s really easy to ruin that potion! That’s why I was practising making it in the first place.”

“And did you ruin it?” Sirius asked, sitting back down.

“No. Silvery vapour and everything. It was almost done when Lily’s cauldron blew up. Which I’m more concerned about than anything else. She’s the best at potions. Well, except for-“, he broke off, looking away.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Well, we’ll just ask her when we get back. I mean if we get back…” He swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. He’d been so shocked before that he hadn’t even considered the fact that this might be a situation they couldn’t get out of.

“Hey”, Remus said gently. He shifted on the sofa so that he was facing Sirius. “Hey. Look at me.”

When Sirius turned his head, Remus softly touched his shoulder.

“I know you think this is reassuring, but I feel like you’re about to tell me that I’m going to die”, Sirius joked.

“I was trying to be nice, you wanker!” Remus laughed and playfully jabbed Sirius’ shoulder. “Honestly, though. I don’t think we’re going to die and I don’t think we’re actually, truly stuck here. I’m sure McGee is already screaming at people to fix this.”

“Definitely”, Sirius agreed. “She loves me, you know.”

“Sure, Sirius.” Remus rolled his eyes.

 _You called me Pads before_ , Sirius thought. _You used to call me Pads all the time._

“What?” Remus asked. “Did you say something?”

“Nope. Hey, want to go see the rest of this place?” Sirius got up and made for the door.

“Hey! Hey, wait! Sirius!”

But by the time Remus had gotten up, Sirius was already out the door. Remus followed him into the hallway, almost bumping into him.

“What-“

“Look,” Sirius said, pointing at the wall with a massive grin on his face. There, on the white wall, hung a framed picture showing their little group of friends relaxing in the Gryffindor common room. Some of the people in the photo waved, a few of them were grumpy. Remus glanced around. Everywhere he looked, a frame graced the wall.

“Merlin’s saggy balls! Moony, look at these ones!” Sirius crowed behind him. “It’s Prongs with _a baby_! D’you think it’s his?”

Remus turned around, took one look at the photograph and agreed instantly. “With that hair? I don’t think it _could_ be someone else’s child.” He paused. “James is happy.”

“Yeah”, Sirius said softly. “Yeah, he is. We are, too.”

Remus threw Sirius a confused look. But Sirius wasn’t talking about present time ‘us’, he realized. Or even the fake ‘us’ in the pictures. His friend had walked a few more steps and was now leaning against the doorframe to what he thought must be the kitchen. Remus joined him.

Their doubles were sitting at a small table. Older Remus was digging into a piece of chocolate cake and older Sirius was watching him over the rim of his mug with a small smile.

“But it’s not real”, Remus murmured.

“Huh?

“I- I said that’s not really us.”

“Oh. Yeah. ‘Course. Would be nice though, wouldn’t it?”

Remus whirled around to look at him. “What?”

“You know…to have someone? I know this isn’t real-“ Sirius pointed at their doppelgangers, “-but…I’m so scared of being alone.”

He’d whispered the last part. Remus’ heart sank.

“You won’t be alone, Sirius.”

“Says who? James has Lily, Pete is probably getting it on with that Ravenclaw and you don’t even like me anymore.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, Rem. It’s been a whole year. Didn’t you think I’d notice that you barely tolerate me these days? We don’t talk like we used to, we don’t even really spend any time together unless we have to. And you never call me Padfoot anymore. You used to do that all the time! And I get it, I deserve it, but that doesn’t mean I like losing you!”

Sirius had yelled those last words. His chest was heaving and bile had risen in his throat. He looked at Remus one more time, then strode back to the living room. He appeared defeated.

Remus was so perplexed that he didn’t know what to say or do. In the end, he simply slid down to the floor and sat there for a while. He’d never thought that his behaviour would have such an effect on Sirius. That guy was the absolute master of acting aloof and not giving a damn. Their relationship had changed a lot in the last year and if he was being honest with himself, he’d actually wanted it to. In the beginning, right after the ‘prank’, he hadn’t even been able to look at Sirius, let alone talk to him and he’d so desperately wished for everything to be different. Remus had wanted a friend who was just that- a friend. So he had pushed Sirius so far away that he’d taken on the position of another Dorcas or Marlene, who were his friends, yes, but not his confidants. They didn’t know his deepest, darkest secrets and they couldn’t use them against him.

But after a few weeks of his little experiment, he’d realized that once you’d gotten close to someone, there was no way to undo it. It was like kicking down a door. You could repair the door, clean up the mess, but it wasn’t possible to go back to the way things felt before the door had been kicked down, wasn’t possible to un-see, to un-feel what had been on the other side. And that realization had hit close to his heart. So close, in fact, that it had been painful to even think about it. But his decision to keep Sirius at arm’s length to give himself time to heal was never supposed to hurt Sirius.

Remus sighed, wiping at the tears that were threatening to spill. He glanced up at the picture frames, trying to soak up their happiness even though he knew what they showed. Even though it made his breath hitch.

He listened to the soft voices in the kitchen even though he knew what they were saying. Even though it made his chest tighten so much he thought his heart might be crushed in the process.

~~~

Sirius stood by the window in the living room, caught somewhere between red-hot rage and blinding fear. Remus kept pushing him away and he didn’t know what to do. In the beginning, it’d felt like Remus didn’t want him around – and who could blame him, really – so he’d kept his distance. But it hadn’t gotten better. Instead, everything had gotten worse. Now Sirius felt like he didn’t even know who Remus was anymore.

He understood, of course, that after such a huge breach of trust, Remus wasn’t likely to trust him ever again. And that almost felt okay, justified. But everything else seemed broken, too. From the way Remus greeted him in the morning to the ‘goodnight’ before bed, everything was weird. Fake. _Wrong._ He wished Remus would just scream at him instead.

 _But he only screams when he cares. And it doesn’t look like he cares about you anymore, does it, Sirius?_ He thought to himself. His mother’s voice began echoing through his head, telling him all the things he’d tried so hard to let go. _Look at what you’ve done, boy… You break everything you touch… Someone like you is no son of mine… Failure…_

Angrily he rubbed his cheeks, drying the tears. He couldn’t believe she’d found her way into his thoughts again. Closing his eyes, he imagined breakfast at the Potters’. James telling jokes that Fleamont laughed about and Euphemia rolled her eyes at. Tea, just how he liked it. Spending time with his friends. Surrounded by love and appreciation. Prongs. Wormtail. Moony. Moonymoonymoonymoony…

Suddenly there was a bright light nipping at the insides of his eyelids. Putting up a hand to shield his eyes, he slowly blinked them open. He half-expected to see headlights right outside the window or some of the lamps they used on the Quidditch pitch when a match run late and it got dark outside. But the light came from within the room. It was illuminating everything and getting brighter by the second.

“Moony!” Sirius yelled and sprinted across the room. Right as he reached the door, however, his world went fuzzy around the edges and he fell, enveloped by brightness.

~~~

Remus woke with a start. He felt like someone had emptied a bucket of water on his head. Rubbing his face, he sat up.

“You cried,” someone said next to him. He turned to Sirius who was lying in the bed to his left.

“You too” Remus answered, his heart sinking. Sirius didn’t cry that often.

“Yeah, well…”

“Sirius.”

“It’s-“

“Don’t you dare say ‘it’s fine’, Sirius. It’s not ‘fine’. You know damn well it isn’t.” Remus swung his legs over the edge of the bed so he was facing Sirius fully. “I don’t- We need to-“

“Good evening, gentlemen,” said Madam Pomfrey as she came bustling into the room. “I assume you both had a good afternoon? After all, you took quite a long nap.”

Sirius threw Remus one more glance before he turned to Madam Pomfrey, who was standing at the foot of his bed, wand and clipboard in hand.

“Yes, very refreshing” Sirius answered, just a little bit too chipper. 

She fixed him with a look, then proceeded to cast some diagnostic spells to check their vitals. “It seems like you’re in luck; your bodies have processed the potions completely and you shouldn’t feel any lingering effects.”

“So it really was because of the potions to the face? But what about the dream?” Sirius wanted to know. _Had_ to know.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to, Mr Black, but it is quite likely for some people to dream, even during magically induced sleep. Unfortunately, advanced potions theory isn’t my forte, but I can get Professor Slughorn for you if you’d like to ask him?”

“Ah, no. That’s not necessary. If you say it’s normal, then there’s nothing to worry about” Sirius replied, beaming at her.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Mr Black, get out of here. Get out of here, the both of you.” She dodged Sirius’ fake advances like she always did and hurried away to see to her other patients. Sirius laughed but it didn’t sound convincing to Remus’ ears.

After getting out of their hospital garb and changing into the fresh clothes that had been laid out for them, they slipped on their shoes and left the hospital wing.

Neither one of them knew what to say so they spent most of their walk up to Gryffindor tower in silence. It felt more uncomfortable than ever before and both of them wracked their brains for a safe conversation topic but couldn’t find a single one.

“Are you hungry?” Remus finally asked on the staircase that connected the sixth and seventh floor.

Sirius shook his head. He simply kept walking.

“Me neither,” Remus said, trying to keep their talk going. “Also don’t know what time it is. Dinner’s probably over. But I bet James and Pete would raid the kitchens for us if we were hungry later.”

Sirius nodded, shuffling on.

“Now you won’t even talk to me? Nice, Sirius, really nice.”

Remus had thought he might be able to coax something out of Sirius by baiting him, but Sirius didn’t even react.

“Really? You’re actually not going to say anything? _Nothing?_ ”

At the top of the stairs, Remus grabbed Sirius by the wrist and pulled him into the adjoining corridor. He held onto him until they were facing each other.

“What do you want me to say, Remus?” Sirius answered, winding his wrist out of Remus’ grip. “Do you want me to apologize? Alright. I’m sorry. There. What else? Admit that I’m a bad person? Yeah, I’m a bad person. Apparently comes with the family name. Anything else you want me to say? Maybe that I fucked up royally and deserve literally everything that’s happening to me right now? Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that it-“

Remus hugged him. He’d pulled him in, interrupting his monologue and was hugging him tightly. 

“No,” Remus said, softly. “That’s not what I wanted to hear. I hate listening to you putting yourself down. You’re _not_ a bad person, Sirius. You made a mistake. And I was angry. Really, angry. And disappointed. And sad. But what’s happening has nothing to do with it.”

He squeezed Sirius one more time and then let him go, stepping back a little. Sirius just stared at him.

“I thought some distance would be good. I didn’t mean to make you think we weren’t f- friends anymore. I’m sorry I hurt you, Sirius.” He turned away, finally ready to go back to their common room. His voice had cracked on ‘friends’ and his breath had hitched and his heart had stumbled. Remus just wanted some time alone now.

“What is it about?” Sirius said behind him.

“Oh, uhm… It’s not important right now. Don’t worry about it” Remus called over his shoulder, trying to walk a little faster without looking like he was running away. He had a lump in his throat.

But he hadn’t factored in Sirius, who grabbed his wrist just like he had done to him a few minutes ago.

“Talk to me, Remus,” Sirius said, slowly pulling him closer so they were facing each other. “ _Please_.”

“I-“

Sirius had begun caressing his wrist with his thumb, almost tickling the sensitive skin his touches were so light. And he looked at him, his eyes so kind and his expression so open, so understanding and Remus wanted to tell him everything. Right then and there.

“I-“

Someone screamed somewhere down the hallway.

Sirius smiled at him and let go. Remus turned around to see Lily Evans run towards them as if being chased by the devil. Their other friends followed at a more sedate pace, grinning and waving.

“Oh Merlin, I’m so glad you’re alright!” she exclaimed and, one after the other, enveloped them in a quick hug. “I was so worried I’d hurt you!”

“She really was. Even though McGee said you’d be totally fine” James said.

“Come on, Potter, you were worried, too. Admit it!” Marlene threw in.

“I don’t have to admit anything. I’m very secure in my manhood and can very easily tell my friends that I was worried.”

“Please shut up about your manhood and let the sleepyheads talk. I want to know what happened!” Peter interjected and looked at Remus and Sirius with raised eyebrows.

“Sorry to disappoint, Pete, but nothing happened. We fell asleep and then we woke up. There wasn’t anything more to it, I’m afraid.” Sirius had jumped at the chance to deter his friends from asking more questions. Too much had happened. He wanted a few quiet minutes to himself to think everything through. And maybe another go at talking to Remus.

“Damn.”

Peter looked so disappointed at Sirius’ answer that he was met with peals of laughter, which broke the tension. Giggling and chuckling they walked back to the common room together.

~~~

Spending last night with his friends, sitting in front of the fire, hanging out and talking and telling jokes had been fun and Sirius cherished those moments with his little group of people. But by lunch the next day his weird mood had returned. He felt like he’d gotten two steps closer to what was going on between him and Remus and at the same time also thousands of miles further away from everything. Sirius had tried talking to him again in the morning, but Remus had already returned to his life as a student and Sirius was so tired of it all. He didn’t have the energy to keep trying.

“So, Pads, what happened yesterday?” asked James, seizing the opportunity to question his friend. Lily and Remus had left a few minutes ago to attend a prefect meeting and Marlene and Dorcas were doing whatever who-knows-where.

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Nothing happened. Already told you.”

“Oh, we remember. But…how about you try telling the truth this time? Just for fun” Peter jumped in, leaning across the table.

“Listen, mate. I’ve known you for ages. The only other times you were this quiet were when you left Grimmauld and after the…uh, other thing. Something happened and it wasn’t nothing. So don’t say ‘it’s fine’ or whatever your catchphrase is right now.”

After a perplexed glance from Sirius, James added: “Oh yeah, Moony talks, too. Not about what happened yesterday, mind you, but we’ve definitely heard about your guys’ turbulent last year. Pah, we’ve not only heard about it. We saw it go down. So spill it, Padfoot.”

Sirius looked to Peter for help but he only stared him down, one eyebrow raised. Taking a deep breath, Sirius grabbed his stuff and got up from the table.

“Well? Are you coming?” he asked and started walking.

Once his friends had understood that he was, in fact, going to tell them, just not in the Great Hall in the midst of the lunch-time rush, they hurried after him. They eventually found a secluded alcove in the courtyard and were able to settle there, away from prying eyes.

But even though they were now in a semi-private setting, Sirius still needed a few more minutes. He was walking in circles in front of them. Every so often he would open his mouth and then close it again as if he didn’t know what to say. His friends looked on, extraordinarily confused.

“Right, well this is scary,” Peter said to James. He nodded.

“I just don’t want to lose him, you know?” Sirius burst out, throwing his hands in the air.

“Merlin, finally. He talks”, James muttered to himself.

“Could you maybe start at the beginning, Padfoot? Who don’t you want to lose?” Peter asked.

“Moony, of course. Who else have we been talking about?” Sirius looked annoyed.

“Pads, you’re not going to lose Moony.”

“That’s what he said, too. But after what’s been going on? Can’t say I actually believe him. And then he cried in the dream and I cried and it all feels weird and I don’t _like_ it. I want to go back to how it was before.”

“Wait. Hold on. What exactly _has_ been going on? And what dream? What in Merlin’s name are you talking about?” Peter was more confused than ever, even though he was the only one of the Marauders who actually liked riddles.

“Yesterday, when we fell asleep after getting hit by the potions, we weren’t just asleep. I told you nothing happened because Evans was there and she was so worried and I also didn’t want to unpack everything in front of McKinnon and Meadowes. But…we kind of…woke up in a dream.”

“Come again?” asked James, who was even more confused than Pete at this point.

“We woke up in a dream!” repeated Sirius. He rolled his eyes and explained further. “I collapsed in class. And then I woke up. But I wasn’t at Hogwarts, I was in this…this house. I’d never seen it before in my life. And then I saw Moony lying there, too and I woke him up and first we thought we’d been hexed but then we saw pictures on the walls. Photos! Of all of us! How weird is that? You were there, Prongs and you had a baby! And we all looked so happy and it made me a little sad because I’m afraid that I’m going to end up alone because you have Evans and you have that Ravenclaw”, he pointed at them, “and that’s what I told Moony and he said that that wouldn’t happen so I told him that it was already happening because he didn’t like me anymore and that I didn’t like losing him and then I woke up.”

As he finished with a heaving chest, his friends were staring at him with their mouths hanging open. Sirius had conveniently left out the parts where he’d seen his doppelganger kissing Remus’ or their little talk after leaving the hospital wing but his friends still looked like they’d fallen off a broom in a hurricane.

“I had a baby?” James asked wide-eyed.

“You think Moony doesn’t like you anymore?” Peter had spoken at the same time as James and James began nodding.

“Oh, yeah, answer his question instead”, he said.

Sirius shrugged, suddenly very interested in the pebbles on the ground. “Well… I mean… Yes. We never really…do things anymore. We barely talk, he never calls me Padfoot-“ He broke off after he glanced at his friends and saw their bewildered faces. “What?”

Peter and James looked at each other, absolutely baffled.

“Sirius, I have no idea why he stopped calling you Padfoot, you’ll have to ask him about that, but I can tell you right now that the rest is simply not true” James explained. He went on. “Remus talks to you all the time. And just last week you went to Hogsmeade together.”

“But… It’s so weird. It doesn’t… It doesn’t feel _right_.”

James and Peter exchanged looks.

“What?” Sirius was slowly getting annoyed now. He didn’t know left from right anymore.

“Well”, said Peter, “that’s probably because you were so close before. I mean…we four have always been really close but you two…you take the cake. And now that you’re just friends, it feels like Remus is abandoning you, even though he isn’t.”

“What the hell are you talking about, ‘ _just friends_ ’? We’ve always _been_ friends!” Sirius yelled. He’d begun pacing again, trying to wrap his head around everything.

Peter took pity on him and turned to James. “I don’t think he knows, Prongs.”

James sighed, nodding. “Pads, imagine there’s a fire in the Great Hall-“

“What kind of a question is that?”

“Just imagine it, _okay_? So there’s a fire in the Great Hall. It’s total chaos. Are you imagining it?”

Sirius nodded, still annoyed. But he closed his eyes to humour his friend, trying to focus on the scenario.

“There’s a fire. The teachers can’t contain it. People start screaming and running.”

Finding Prongs’ mind games absurd, Sirius had a little fun with it. He imagined girls in white dresses, engulfed in flames and screaming dramatically, like those damsels in the old Hollywood movies. The ones he’d watched with Remus and the boys.

“Now answer me this: who do you look for in the crowd? Who do you worry about? Who do you _save_?”

Sirius’ eyes flew open. As soon as he’d heard those words, his fun little fantasy had vanished and been replaced by terror. Because the answer that had popped up in his head scared him. A lot.

“See? You’ve always been close” James said.

“Really, really close” Peter threw in.

“But I… I don’t… “ Sirius broke off, eyes wide and heart racing.

“Sirius-“ James began but Sirius had already grabbed his things and was running off.

“Sirius!”

“Leave him, James. I think he has to do this alone.”

~~~

_Hanging out in the common room, cuddling. Sleeping on the couches together. Sharing one of the big chairs. Discussing anything and everything in the middle of the night when they couldn’t sleep. Waiting until the last second to transform during the full moon to make sure Remus wasn’t alone longer than he had to be. Taking notes in class for Remus after the moon, even though he didn’t ever really take notes for himself. Always making sure they had good chocolate in the common room in case Remus needed it. Crawling into each other’s bed for comfort after nightmares._

As he ran aimlessly through the corridors, the memories kept on coming. They carried more weight now. Never before had he thought about what it meant. For him. Maybe for both of them. He’d always assumed what they had was friendship. And normal. Not that what they did have wasn’t normal. Just not…typical, according to James and Pete. Funnily enough, he realized it _now_ , as the memories were replaying in his mind. He realized that McKinnon and Meadowes – Marlene and Dorcas, he reminded himself – weren’t actually just “Evans’ friends” but his as well. He’d simply not…seen them before. And how could he, when he was measuring his relationships with other people on the relationships with his brothers _. And Remus_. Of course everyone must seem miles away when his closest were closer than usual.

He stopped running somewhere in the Dungeons, exhausted and confused. Leaning against the wall he tried to figure out what to do next.

 _I want to sleep for four days_ , he thought, right as Professor Slughorn left his classroom down the hall. Taking a chance, he took off towards the man.

~~~

Remus had been studying by the lake for a while now. Lily had said goodbye relatively fast after their meeting and gone off to find James and he hadn’t wanted to go back to the common room yet. So he’d walked to the lake, cast a warming charm and begun looking through his notes. At least until he’d found a whole bunch that Sirius had taken for him. From that point on he hadn’t been able to concentrate so he’d merely sat there, staring at nothing, trying to get his racing heart under control.

“How did you know it was a dream?”

Remus heaved a sigh. _Of course he’d be the one to find me,_ he thought but didn’t say it. He didn’t say anything, hoping all of this would go *poof* and vanish. He was too tired for this. Too exhausted to…keep dealing.

Sirius sat down next to him. “Remus, how did you know it was a dream?” he repeated.

Remus didn’t answer. He didn’t want to. And he didn’t need to either, did he? Because if Sirius was here, asking that question, then he already knew.

“I talked to Slughorn. He said it was very unlikely that we entered someone else’s dream. It'd be more plausible that our brains chose something we’d seen before, he said. Moony?” Sirius whispered in the softest, most tender voice Remus had ever heard come out of his mouth. “Is it yours? Your dream? Is that how you knew?”

 _Yes, Remus, how did you know?_ said the nasty voice in the back of his head. _Could it be because you’ve had that dream so many times? Have fantasized about that life almost every night? Were always hoping, desperately, to have that one dream again before falling asleep? Huh, Remus? Tell us all about it._

“I’m sorry”, he said, hanging his head, suddenly feeling the need to apologize. And his body was shaking. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the exhaustion or the chill in the air. Or maybe he simply imagined he was shaking because his heart was beating so hard that he felt it all throughout his body.

Sirius had inched closer, ever so slowly, since he’d sat down next to Remus. Now they were almost shoulder to shoulder and he could feel Remus trembling. Gently and without hurry, he reached out and took Remus’ hand in his own. Held it. Caressed it.

“I’m not.”

Remus lifted his head. Looked at Sirius. Had he really just heard those words? Sirius squeezed his hand. Smiled.

“It’s a nice dream, Moony. I’m an idiot for not realizing that sooner.”

He forgot to breathe for a few seconds, he was sure of it. And his heart was beating so hard Sirius had to be able to hear it. “Are you- Uh-“

“Serious? Yes” Sirius answered with an earnest expression, then grinned.

And that’s when Remus began to laugh. It hadn’t even been that funny, after all, it was a pun he’d had to listen to thousands of times. But he was so relieved, so amazingly relieved that he had to.

Seconds later Sirius joined in as well, revelling in the fact that the tension between them was finally gone, now that everything was out in the open. So they sat there, shoulder to shoulder, holding hands and roaring with laughter.

Once they had calmed down a little and were breathing normally again, Sirius glanced over at Remus. Noticing his cheeks were wet with tears, Sirius reached over with his free hand and wiped them away.

“Don’t cry” he whispered, letting go of Remus’ hand to cup his face.

“Can’t help it” Remus whispered back. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to Sirius’. “Can’t help it”, he repeated, his voice getting caught on a sob.

“But because it’s good, right? This? Not because it’s bad and you hate it?” Sirius asked. There was a sudden insecurity in his tone he hadn’t expected.

Remus nodded carefully so as to not give either of them a headache.

“We’ll figure it out, yeah? This thing. Together?”

Remus pulled back a little. He wanted to look Sirius in the eyes for this one. “Yes.”

Sirius smiled. And leaned towards Remus again, almost bringing their lips together - _almost_. He told himself that it was because he didn’t want to presume anything, wanted to let Moony make the final decision but if he was being completely honest with himself…he was a little scared.

It seemed that Remus didn’t share these qualms, however, and promptly touched his lips to Sirius’. They both sighed and closed their eyes.

It should’ve been awkward, their first kiss. And bizarre and strange. But it was tender and delicate and sweet.

Remus felt a calm wash over him that he hadn’t experienced in months, maybe years. Sirius’ lips were warm and soft against his and their touch warmed him up from the inside out.

Sirius’ fear was gone and at the same time, felt like it had multiplied by the thousands. This was scary and new but also better than he ever could have imagined. Remus’ lips were a tiny bit chapped and the tingly sensation they left on his own lips – and deep in his stomach – was invigorating.

Remus smiled against his lips and withdrew a little bit but only to envelop Sirius in a tight hug. Sirius, still somewhat breathless from the kiss, put his arms around Remus and hugged him just as tight.

“We can do that again, can’t we?” he asked in a low voice, now smiling as well.

Remus chuckle was answer enough.

~~~

Sirius broke away, trying to catch his breath. Their last kiss had been anything but short and sweet. His heart was racing and his lips felt bruised. And he still couldn’t get enough, felt like he could never get enough.

Originally, they had come up to the dorm to study. The common room had been exceptionally loud tonight and had made revising for Transfiguration quite impossible. But as soon as they’d sat down on Sirius’ bed, books and notes in hand, Remus had smiled at him just _so_ and it had all been downhill from there.

“I-” he tried but Remus began nibbling at his jaw at that exact moment and he gave up, pressing closer again. He could practically hear Remus’ grin and he didn’t give a damn.

Grabbing Remus’ tie, he tugged Remus down with him as he lay back on the bed. Remus followed very willingly, settling in between Sirius’ legs and propping himself up on his elbows. 

“Did you want to say something, Sirius?” Remus said in an innocent voice and a wicked smile as he hovered above him.

“Y-yes, damn you”, Sirius gasped. He’d never admit it in a thousand years, but oh Merlin, cocky Remus took his breath away. And his brain function.

“Try again.”

Easier said than done, Sirius thought, as Remus’ lips glided along his jaw and over the sensitive spot right below his ear.

“I- uh-” Sirius began again but could not for the life of him find the words.

Remus gently bit down, making Sirius moan and writhe under him. “Try harder.”

“Want-“ Sirius panted, grabbing the back of Remus’ head to hopefully hold him in place as he licked and sucked on his neck.

“Yes?” Remus breathed against his skin as he slowly began moving his hips.

 _So not fair_ , thought Sirius as he moaned low in his throat and started moving with Remus. “Y-you to-“

“Hmm?” Remus asked, still cool and collected and pressed a heated kiss against Sirius’ lips. Immediately Sirius began kissing back, tongue licking greedily into Remus’ mouth as he wound his arms around Remus.

The last part of the sentence was gasped against Remus’ lips, eyes closed and rutting against each other. “Show me- What e-else- Happened in- In the dream, Moony.”

Now it was Remus’ turn to moan.

He’d known Sirius was working up to something all day, trying to find a way to broach a certain subject. But he’d never have guessed…  
Sure, they’d gotten up to all kinds of mischief in the last few months already but this was a whole new level of opening up – of vulnerability – he hadn’t expected. Not this soon and maybe not ever.

Giving Sirius a quick peck, he pushed himself up and sat back on his heels. Deprived of Remus’ weight and his warmth and the delicious friction, Sirius opened his eyes.

“Are you sure?” Remus wanted to know. His earnest voice and the reddened cheeks and well-kissed lips didn’t really go together.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows. Nodded. Added a whispered ‘yes’ for good measure.

“Are you scared?”

He’d gone to shake his head at first but he realized that he was, in fact, a little scared, so Sirius nodded instead. He fell back on the bed, sighing and rubbing his face with his hands. “Not about the… uh-“, he closed his eyes and grinned, “- I think I’m going to like _that_ part. Just about…you know, what comes afterwards? _Feelings_. I’m shite at those.”

Remus crawled back over Sirius, sliding in between his legs again. “We’ll figure it out, yeah? This thing. Together?”

“Yeah” answered Sirius with a grin and leaned up to kiss him.

For long minutes they simply snogged. Completely unhurried. Then their excitement, which had flagged during their little exchange, returned in full force and their movements became hectic.

Soon they were back to open-mouthed kisses and whispered curses and loud moans. Sirius reached between them to open Remus’ belt and trousers, pushing his hand down his pants. To the sound of Remus groaning, he began stroking. Hard and fast. And if he twisted his wrist like _so_ … Remus whined against his lips, licking deep into his mouth as he thrust into his hand.

Tearing himself away with what must have been utter determination and all of his willpower, Remus sat back again. This time to loosen and pull off his tie and take off his already halfway unbuttoned shirt. Sirius pushed himself up too, seizing the opportunity to do the same. He’d already lost his tie earlier so he immediately went to work on the buttons of his shirt. At the same time, Remus hopped off the bed and peeled his trousers off. Socks too. All while watching Sirius with an impatient expression.

The moment Sirius had shrugged off the shirt, Remus was on him again, pushing him back onto the bed and unfastening his belt. Then the trousers. Once they were open, he pulled them off in one go, taking Sirius’ socks off as well and throwing everything over his shoulder.

Sitting on his heels, he slid his hands over Sirius' ankles and up his legs. Let his fingertips dance over the hypersensitive skin of his inner thighs and teased him by not touching his throbbing erection at all. Instead, he slid his palms over his stomach and chest. Planting his hands next to Sirius’ head, he lay down on top of him again, starting to move his hips in a quick but steady rhythm that made both of them moan.

Sirius pushed his fingers into Remus pants. Grabbed his arse. Gasped breathy sighs into his ear as Remus bit his neck. And then, a little bit impatient and a lot greedier, Sirius grabbed his wand and vanished both their pants and it was glorious.

He almost felt like he was drunk. The way their bodies fit made him sweat, their movements driving him close to delirium. And the feeling of their lengths, sliding against each other, made him tremble and moan and keen.

All too soon Remus let up. But only for a moment. He’d snagged his wand from the floor where it’d fallen earlier with a clatter that neither of them had heard. A few whispered charms later he was leaning over Sirius. An unspoken question. Just to be sure. Enthusiastic nodding. Enthusiastic fingers right after.

They’d done this dance before, knew every little touch, every little trick that would heighten the other’s pleasure. Sirius spread his legs a bit wider, lifted his hands to the headboard and drank in the way Remus’ breath hitched. Remus pushed his fingers deeper still. Leant forward to trail feathery kisses over Sirius’ thighs and the sensitive spot right above his hipbones. Listened to his gasps and groans like other people listen to Haydn and Bach. With their eyes closed and a satisfied smile on their face.

Sirius was whispering his name on a loop now. The unspoken question again. A breathy yes this time.

Remus leaned over him. A kiss. Two. Three. Then he brought their bodies close, close, close. A soft yelp turned into a loud moan. Smiles. Smiles all around.

This dance they hadn’t tried before. They had expected fast and fiery because that’s how it had been before. But they fell into something slow and sincere. It was new and even better.

Sirius clung to Remus, hugging him tight, cursing under his breath with every roll of Remus’ hips. Remus cursed right along with Sirius. Every time he rocked their bodies together, he held onto Sirius a little tighter.

More moans. A little louder. Grunts. A little faster. Sighed encouragements. Right there. Gasps. Closerclosercloser. Yes. Yesyesyes.

It should’ve been awkward. But it wasn’t. It was spectacular and passionate and perfect.

“I think I’m in love with you, Moony.” A whisper in the afterglow, barely audible.

“I think I’m in love with you, too, Padfoot.”

~~~fin~~~ 

**Author's Note:**

> Special shoutout to Jess, who jumped in as emotional support at a moment's notice and pretty much kept me from going insane. <3


End file.
